3 Tips for Handling Insecurity

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A while back, I took a poll on Instagram and asked you guys what “real” topics you’re dealing with that you would want me to cover.  By a landslide “Insecurity” was the number one issue that came through.  And to be honest, if you were to ask me a year or two ago to write on this topic, I would have felt totally comfortable.  With blogging, I’ve learned and been taught to “be the expert” and to offer that expertise in service to you guys, my audience.  That’s been the way I’ve served best over the years, and utilizing my expertise in fashion, beauty, etc. has been so fun and fulfilling to share.  So, if you would have asked me a couple years ago to share on insecurity, I would have come at it with the same position: expertise.  Back then it was something I felt I totally had a grasp on and could offer advice on how to feel/be more confident and secure in who you are.

But if I’m being totally vulnerable, insecurity has been one of MY biggest pain points this past year, and so when I saw it come across as something you would want advice about, I froze.  I don’t feel like I’m in any position to offer advice because I don’t see myself as “the expert.”  But if there’s something else I’ve been learning, it’s been that being vulnerable with where I’m at serves you better than pretending to have it all together.  SO, here I am offering my solidarity and “advice” (if you want to call it that) on how I’m currently dealing with my insecurity in hopes that it encourages you and helps you feel less alone if it’s something you’re dealing with too.

Find a Mantra & Say it Daily (Out Loud)

Lately, I’ve been feeling “not good enough” and honestly just like I could be doing more/better like “so-and-so” is.  This is so toxic and honestly just gets worse and worse the longer it goes on.  One day, I finally opened up to Daniel about how I was feeling not good enough and all the lies I was telling myself when comparing my life, looks, business, “you name it” to other girls.  First of all, telling someone is HUGE.  Get it out, girl.  Toxic thoughts have so much more power when they’re kept in secret in your head.  Saying it out loud to someone you know and love that will build you up immediately diminishes some of it’s power, and then the person who loves you is able to help debunk the rest of it with you.

Daniel combatted all the lies I was telling myself (and had been for months), and I’d like to say that I left that conversation believing everything he told me and suddenly feeling confident again.  Hardly.  Yes, I did feel lighter and a bit better, but I needed something practical to drive home everything he told me.  Together, we created a little “mantra” that I say out loud to myself in the mirror daily.  It seems super cheesy, and honestly it definitely is those first few days.  But when you look at yourself and say the things you are and want to become, suddenly you start believing it.

Trust me on this one.  Get out of your comfort zone, write something down, put it on your bathroom mirror and say it to yourself for the next 30 days.  Suddenly you’ll start to believe it in your subconscious.  To help you get started, it may just be a short sentence about the kind of woman you are or want to become with traits you want to embody.  So, part of mine is “I am an authentic, bold, and successful woman.”  DoI always believe that?  No.  But I am and definitely can embody those things, and reminding myself of that only builds me up every morning!

Turn off the “Noise”

I think we all know that one of the biggest factors that contributes to insecurity is watching others around us and seeing what they have, do, accomplish, where there travel to, how they look, etc.  A lot of people say “social media” is the big culprit of causing insecurity because this is where we tend to see all of those things.  Now hear me out because what I say next might be a bit controversial, but I’m going to argue that social media is NOT the issue.  Before I get into it, let me clarify that I’m not saying that it can’t be an issue.  it most definitely can, but I don’t think it’s the root issue or holds as much power as people say.  Social media in and of itself does not cause you to become insecure.

Were people insecure before social media?  Of course!  But the fact that it allows you to glimpse into the lives of others so easily (and only the “post-able” parts at that 😉), it can cause you to compare those things to your failures.  And if you’re anything like me, you’re not comparing their wins to your wins, you’re comparing their picture perfect moments to your failures and shortcomings.  Am I right?  What goes on in my head is something like, “Omg this girl just hit 500k followers and I have lost followers this whole month.  I must suck and she must be amazing.”  Literally, there’s a very vulnerable look into my brain.  It sounds silly when I type it out for you, but that’s exactly what it sounds like in my head and it’s not funny at the time.  It’s real.  And it causes me to be a way less version of myself than I can be because I feel like a failure.

Maybe yours is comparing to all the clothes a blogger you follow has, or the trip a friend from high school took that you cannot afford, or even something as precious the babies everyone seems to be having if you’re struggling with infertility.  I promise whatever it is, someone else is dealing with that same thing and you are NOT alone.  They’re just not posting about it on their highlight reel 😂.

All that to say, social media isn’t the enemy, but it does give us a falsified look into other people/’s reality that we then compare to our “real” reality.  It may be helpful to turn off the noise!  Take a social media fast for a week or even a month, or unfollow or “mute” accounts that are causing you to fall into that trap.  Take personality responsibility for your happiness and make the changes you need to so that you don’t fall victim to feeling less than when you don’t have to.

Write Down 3 Things You’re Grateful For Each Morning

The other thing that helps combat feeling less than or “not enough” is focusing on what I do have versus what I feel I’m lacking.  Insecurity is just that, a feeling of lack.  Whether that be lacking in a physical sense of have/have not or something intangible like business success, body image, or even feeling like other people are happier than you are, insecurity really lies in feeling like someone has something you don’t.  So, it makes sense to combat it by changing your focus to what you DO have instead.

I’m starting to list out three things in my planner each morning that I’m thankful for.  It doesn’t have to be grand or even profound.  Mine today were sore muscles (because that means I have the physical ability & created the time to work out 🙌🏼), my mom (who’s the best for so many reasons, but because of how much she helps with Rhett so I can pursue my dreams), and 202,049 of YOU.  Each of you is a very real person to me, and it’s my goal to do my best to make you feel appreciated for being here as best I possibly can.  In a very real way, without you, I can’t have the job I do, and I am utterly grateful.

Focusing on these things literally trains my brain to stop thinking of the lack or what’s missing, and focuses on what I DO have!  Try it!  It will start your day in the best way!

Okay, all that to say, I do not have this down by any means and it is very much something I’m currently working on.  Just wanted to share what practical steps I am currently taking to help combat the negative thoughts and feelings about myself that have all to frequently come up lately 👎🏻.  I’d love to hear what helps you manage insecurity!  Please leave any and all suggestions in the comments below!

And in other news, this little outfit is what I am living in right now as we transition to Fall and is from Walmart!  This top is the best because it is nice enough that it can be worn to work, as well as dressed down like I styled it here.  And I HAVE to stop and give a special mention to these sneakers 😍.  They’re only $16 and so dang comfy.  The sole is memory foam, and the leopard stripes on the sides are everything!!  Walmart has so many great items right now, and I thought I would round up some of their super reasonably priced tops that will hep you transition right into Fall.  Here are my favorites!